Macy's was amazing.  I found Carolina's office and she invited me in.  She has an accent so I had trouble understanding her at first.  She took me out to the floor and ended up in the men's suits.  Clearly a misunderstanding.  So, there in the men's section I had to say that I was looking for a women's suit.  Nice start!  So, we went upstairs and looked at some separates, Calvin Klein and others.  We picked out a couple in various sizes.  She added a couple of knit shells for under the suit.  We went back to her office where there are a couple of private dressing rooms.  She set me up but I was left wondering if I should get dressed and come out or not.  She clarified that by saying that she wanted to see.  The first jacket and shell were too small, which I showed her.  I changed to the larger jacket and shell and came out.  She played with it a bit in the sleeve and the legs were way long.  I had figured on getting a petite pants but had forgotten to mention it to her.  It then became obvious that she was talking about alterations.  So, she ran out to get the seamstress.  She was an older lady and did not seem at all bothered that I was standing there in stockings and a women's suit.  She made me put on my shoes and pinned up the pants and jacket sleeves.  It all went so quickly, and I had not tried on a skirt or heels yet!  So, I summoned the courage and asked Carolina whether the suit came with a skirt.  And, yes it did!  She ran out to get it as I pondered the idea of a lady seeing me in a skirt.  The suit was androgynous but the skirt was not at all.  I put it on and put my shoes on...and came out of the dressing room.  I said it fit well but the shoes were wrong.  Now we were on a roll.  After a few tries, she finally found a pair of black leather pumps with a 2" heel.  I was in heaven when they fit! And I was standing there in a skirt and heels, in front of a woman.  Wow, I've started to really come out.  After she checked me out she gave me her card and said I could call for another appointment any time.  I guess that she is cool with the whole thing.  I have to go back in 10+ days to pick up the jacket and pants.  I hope that I get to try them on.  I may wear the suit out into the mall.  I'd love to do that with the skirt but I am not sure that I am ready for that yet.  In any case, I think that I am going to need a dress right off....

Macys

I set up an appointment with a personal shopper at Macy's for tomorrow.  I said that I was interested in buying a pant suit for work.  And maybe a blouse and shoes.  I then received a phone call from the lady, Carolina.  I had a bad connection, she had an accent, and I was in my office.  Not a good time to get personal.  I answered her basic questions but I did was not able to really chat.  So I sent her an email with my sizes and preferences.  I told her that I wear a size 18 blouse and a size 10 pant buy that because my inseam is only 29 1/2 inches that I often wear petite with flats.  She did not reply and after waiting a few days I sent her another asking whether she had received the first.  She replied that she had not so I resent the first.  I am now anxiously waiting for her reply.  I hope to ask her about what I should wear tomorrow as I am very anxious about that too. I have more or less decided on black pants, the maroon sleeveless sweater and the tweed jacket.  Clearly women's clothes to someone paying attention. 

I also spent some time with a Estee Lauder on-line assistant yesterday discussing makeup, as Dan.  She was very professional and gave me some information regarding a look that is not obvious.  I need to stop and see Marcie to get the sheer foundation that she recommended.  I can't wait. 

So, I am hoping that Carolina gets some pretty bouses for me to try on.  Something really fem.  I won't be able to wear them as a guy but it would be fun to see how they look.  And it would mean that she understands fully who I am.  Same thing with shoes.  I asked for flats but I am hoping that she has a least some short heels.  And a skirt.  Trying on the suit would be one thing....it can be seen as a guy's suit.  But a skirt is absolutely fem.  No ambiguity there.  It would be so over the edge.  Many people have seen me shopping in an womens clothes but only pants.  Trying on a skirt for her would be an intense experience;  I do not know if I could ask if she does not offer though.  We'll see.

I called David's Bridal yesterday to reschedule my appointment.  I was scared to death.  A very nice lady named Heather answered.  I told her that I had to reschedule my appointment.  She asked what the date of my appointment was, looked it up and asked if I was Dan.  I said yes.  She did not appear to react, simply asking when I'd like to reschedule for.  I told her that April 23rd was the best day and she asked if 11:00 was still good.  I replied yes and she rescheduled me, thanked me for calling and said goodbye.  By the time I got off the phone, there was an email confirmation in my inbox.  There appears to be no confusion as to my intents as the confirmation, as last time, clearly talks about all the things that the bride should do to prepare for the appointment.  I am so thrilled.  And scared.  I am so anxious about how they are going to actually do the fitting.  Do they have a very private room?  Do they have a guy that will handle it (this would be very disappointing, and embarassing).  Do they intend for a woman to handle it and if so, will she be fitting me for a strapless bra and will she be seeing me in my panties?  I still am not sure how I should go to the appointment.  I would like to ask about these items but I am so intimidated.  In any case, I am looking forward to the event.  I am hoping that they will call or email with specific instructions and/or a quick discussion about my "likes".  That would open the door for a discussion of my questions. 

With respect to a makeover that morning, I need to be more direct with Candace, I think.  I could book the makeover by email but I think that she'd be insulted that I did not talk to her about it.  I could ask if she does makeup and if she is available on the 23rd in the morning when I book my next manicure, I suppose.  I let you know!  Hehe. 

Ok, so I have gotten it into my head that I should lose my virginity in a girly way.  I think wearing a wedding dress as I kneel before a man for the first time will firmly put me into the role of a submissive sissy.  With that in mind, I have made appointments at two bridal salons to try on dresses.  I am scared to death and yet am fascinated by this.  I can think of nothing else.  I made a mistake with the one appointment and scheduled it for a Monday morning when I will be returning from out of town.  I cannot reschedule it by email so I will have to call.  I am not sure that they know that I am a guy and their reaction may be negative.  With respect to the other appointment, I have emailed the bridal consultant and asked a couple of questions and she replied with my male name so I have to assume that she knows....

So both stores have requested that I browse their gown collection and find a few that interest me.  I have tried to learn as much about fits as possible and have selected a number of dresses for my "wish list".  Here is one that is similar to the one that I like the best:

 

I had my nails done on Friday.  As I waited for the appointment  I read Brides magazine.  I do not know if Candace noticed or not but I left the magazine on the table rather than putting into the rack.  Maybe the receptionist will notice as  she puts it back.  As usual, Candace asked whether I wanted a clear coat.  I said yes, then kiddingly said "well, maybe a little color this time"  She replied, "maybe a light pink?" and I agreed.  She used the clear though.  I will continue to see how she reacts to my sissy hints.  I am thinking of asking her to style my wig and doing some makeup for my appointment at the bridal salon.  I am really starting to let women know that I am a sissy.   The embarassment is exquisite.

Hi.  I have started wearing makeup on a regular basis.  Almost always mascara and shadow.  I did foundation, blush and lipstick though on Friday.  I went to the mall to see if Marcie was working at Estee Lauder but she wasn't.  I browsed the jewelry counter but did not buy anything.  I so want to pierce my ears but I am terrified of what the friends and family would say.  In any case, I stopped at a grocery store on the way home and the checkout girl either did not notice the makeup or was totally disinterested. 

I have an appointment for a manicure with Candace today.  I felt so girly calling the salon.  They did not ask why I wanted the appointment so I made sure that the receptionist knew it was for my nails.  Maybe she assumed, since that is all I have had done at this salon.  In any case, they called yesterday to confirm but I could not answer.  I loved listening to the message though.  "Hi Dan, this is to confirm your appointment at 5:00 for a manicure with Candace.  Have a nice day Dan."  How to get them to call me Dani, or better, Diane?  So, I am looking forward to the manicure.  I broke two nails this week.  I really need to find a way to strengthen them.  The other nails are long enough for Candace to shape.  I wonder what she'll say about shaping them?  I have been pondering what to wear to the appointment too.  I am not ready for an overtly feminine appointment but I feel like I should wear something that might prompt Candace to question my sissiness.  I also hope that we get to spend the entire time in private.  I think it would be fun to have her asking questions that subtly probe my sexuality. 

So, I have been getting a bit more daring.  After buying the Estee Lauder makeup, I have been trying to maintain a skin care regimen.  So I exfoliate, clarify and moisturize every morning now.  I try to remember to do it at night but I am not so good at that yet.  In any case, I started wearing a light coat of mascara every day.  I am very careful to use a clean brush and separate my lashes so that the clumps are gone and it is not obvious.  Yesterday I took it up a level and wore shadow too.  My eye creases are dark naturally so I just evened them out and added some light shadow over the rest of my eyelids.  I felt so pretty.  I stopped by Estee Lauder at lunch to see if Marcie was there but she wasn't.  The other girls were busy so I left.  I should mention that I put on the Stay Honey lipstick before going into the mall.  I can not tell how noticable the lipstick is.  I am hoping on the one hand that it is subtle but on another level, I am announcing that I am a sissy.  In any case, I returned to the mall after work to see if Marcie might have just been at lunch.  She was still not there.  The other girls were not occupied and were chatting at the Clinique counter.  I stayed by the EL counter until one of them finally came over...the first person to really see me with makeup on.  She was very nice also and I told her that I was looking for an eye pencil to go with the Stay Honey lipstick.  She put a little lipstick on her hand and the tried two pencils.  She made a recommendation, which I agreed with and I purchased it.  She gave me some samples as I checked out and she made it clear that she knew that I would be the one using it.  How girly of me. 

Then, as I checked out, I realized that my debit card was missing.  After a quick review, I realized that it was probably at On Tap, where Brenda and I had gone the night before.  So, I decided to stop there on the way home and check.  The questions was, should I go in with the lipstick on?  All of the way over I though about the question.  I knew that being a bar it the lighting would be low.  And I knew that most of the bartenders were women.  So, I talked myself into it.  So, I parked and walked in without encountering anyone.  There was a woman at the bar but she was talking to a guy.  So, I walked over an she asked if she could help me.  In all the way now.  I told her what had happened and she said that she had seen the card, or so she thought.   She walked to another part of the bar, where there were a group of men talking and she searched for it, maybe in a drawer.  She then asked for an ID and I gaver her my driver's license.  All the time I am wondering if anyone has noticed my makeup.  She hands me back my license and card and I thank her.  No visible recognition of my makeup.  Did she see or not?  What did she think if she did?  Did the guys see?  I don't know.  But I seemingly turned a corner and am not embarassed to be seen as a sissy.  Sweet! 

I should mention that I was cold at work and came home and put on a turtleneck to stay warmer.  A ladies turtle neck.  Black, with a high neck and cable knit.  Not obviously a woman's bouse and yet a little fem.  So, I wore that under my wool shirt all afternoon.  But I took the shirt off to go into the mall and into the bar.  I did not have a slacks or shoes to wear so it was probably not noticable but I stilll enjoyed it. 

I have decided that the next thing to do is to try on shoes.  I am hoping to find a store with a young female clerk and otherwise empty.  This is the first time, after all.  I plan on wearing the little not to fem booties with panty hose.  Probably the grey slacks.  Maybe with the maroon knit shell and my jacket.  We'll see. 

Ok, so I have not yet sucked a cock.  I have discussed it with a couple of guys via e.mail but I have not succumbed.  Let me tell you what I have done.  First, I went to the Bon Ton department store.  I was wearing a nice sweater set, in royal blue.  I had on black pants with a side zip, tan panty hose and a pair of cute boots.  Anyway, I walked in the entrance near the cosmetics counters and there was a cute girl, Marcie, at the Estee Lauder counter.   She caught my eye and I don't know if she noticed what I was wearing and deduced that I'd be interested in her products or whether she was just being friendly but she came to the counter as I approached and asked if I needed any assistance.  I made a leap and said yes, foundation.  That opened the door pretty wide and after a quick exchange, she was holding up a template with color on it to match my complexion.  We chose a double-wear foundation to try and the next thing she's applying it on my cheek.  She then tried another and let me compare.  I chose one and she then asked if I needed anything else.  I think my eyes gave her the answer and she suggested a blush.  W chose a blush and moved on to lipstick.  There was no pretending that I was not a sissy anymore.  I was over the edge.  Someone Knew My Secret.  I've done a lot of shopping, in person, and I would guess that some of the sales ladies suspected that I was shopping for myself.  Marcie flat out knew.  It was exhilarating.  We chose a nice lipstick and then a five-color eye shadow compact.  I had no idea what I was spending but she could have sold me anything.  As I checked out she commented on the cure heart ring I was wearing.  I am totally in now.  I signed up for Estee Lauder's email and she promised to call to see how I liked the makeup.  She also told me that there were some gifts that she would hold for me and she'd call when they come in.  I have not heard from her yet and I hope that she was serious.  I get so excited when I get a call from an unknown number now, hoping it is her.  I have resisted going back to see if she is working as I do not want to come across a stalker but I hope she calls and I hope that it will be ok if I see her next time with makeup on....

Then, in my new found freedom, I made an appointment at a local salon to get a manicure.  I was too scared to call but found a salon that has an online appointment booking system.  I made the appointment and got a confirming email for the following week.  I was anxious all week, wondering if I could go through with it.  Then, the day before the appointment, I received a confirmation call from the salon.  They asked for Danielle...I don't know if I mentioned it but my name is Daniel.  I use Diane as my fem name as it is not simply a feminization of my real name.  Anyway, it was a little bit of a thrill to have someone call and ask for Danielle.  She asked if Danielle was there and I said "yes, speaking".  There was a subtle intake of her breath when she realized that the appointment was for a guy.  So, I confirmed the appointment.  Then, yesterday I left the office a little early, to go to the bank and get to the salon early.  The bank did not take as long as I had figured and I got to the appointment 20 minutes early.  I sat in the car for ten minutes and I was scared to death to go in.  I also did not want to arrive too early as that is bad form.  So, at ten minutes before the appointment, I got out of the car and walked in the salon.  The receptionist was busy so I stood for a couple of minutes.  She then asked if I had an appointment and I said yes and told her my name.  She said that Candace would be right out and to have a seat.  So, I sat and read a fashion magazine for a minute until Candace arrived.  She was an attractive young girl with black hair with a blond under layer and a multicolored layer below that.  Very cute.  She walked be to the back of the salon where there was a manicure station set up.  Relatively private...or so I thought.  So, she had me soak my nails for a few minutes, by myself.  I was very self conscious.  She then returned and started working on my right hand.  It took a minute but she got a good conversation started and I relaxed.  But then another manicurist set up a table abutting ours and another lady sat down to have her nails done.  The conversation from the other table pretty much killed our conversation and while they kiddingly included me at one point, there was no real participation in the remainder of the manicure.  In any case, Candace completed the work on my nails (they were terrible as they have been very brittle lately).  She then asked about whether I wanted a clear coat or not.  Moment of truth.  If I did the polish someone might notice.  With a deep breath, I said yes and she applied the polish.  The clear is subtle but definitely visible, if scrutinized.  We'll see what happens.  I have Candace's card and I am thinking of doing my nails again in two weeks.  Oh, and while I was sitting at the table, a number of men came through going to the men's salon.  It both excited and embarrassed me to be seen doing such a fem thing.  Oh my.