Post Office

So, I took a mental health day today.  I got all dressed up in a red sweater and black skirt, black flats.  I decided I wanted to suck some cock.  Hehe.  I posted an ad but have not been overly successful.  I had a couple lined up but I think that they chicken out.  Damn.  I think I have one coming over now.  I hope.

In the mean time, I took a trip over to the post office and strolled around a shopping center.  I could not quite get up the nerve to go into any shops except the post office.  I'll get there.

Here are some pictures of my adventure:

Changes

So, the wife is moving out.  She says that she thinks of me as her girlfriend, not her husband.  There is nothing that I can do to change her mind so, c'est la vie.  I will be busy getting the house ready to sell.  Then, I need to find a place to live.  I am thinking an apartment, for now, so that I am not heavily committed.  In the mean time, I am thinking that the apartment will be seriously girly.  We'll see.  It will also free up my time to dress more.  And host more too.  So many cocks, so little time.

So, while she is moving out, the wife and I will stay married.  For the time being anyway...too many financial and medical issues to sort out.  Maybe when the US health care situation settles down I will be able to get my own insurance.  In the mean time, she is interested in going shopping with me dressed.  I am not sure how I feel about this but it is possible that she will be able to cope with it better after being around me in a pretty dress.  I can hope.

Here are some recent pictures. I would love some feedback on how I look.

Truly a Cocksucker

So, it has been a while since I posted.  First, I have been pretty busy as a cocksucker.  In the past month I have visited a guy in his hotel room during the afternoon.  Imagine me walking around looking for the correct door in my new black dress.  The maintenance guy gave me a funny look but, oh well.  I also sucked a guy in his truck.  I met him in a parking lot, got out and hopped into his truck.  We drove to a pulloff and got in the back seat.  Finally, I went to a guys house.  In each case I only gave blowjobs.  And they all gave me a load to swallow.

I have also been shopping at Talbots.  That is where I got the new black dress,  I also bought a pretty skirt and sweater, which I tried on in the dressing room.  It was so much fun.

Boyfriend?

So, I one of the two guys I sucked recently asked me to get together again.   I could not host at home, nor could he, so, I met him in a parking lot.  I got partially dressed and slipped out of the house, finishing my makeup and putting on my cute WH/BM skirt.  I then drove to the parking lot, purposely parking a few cars away from him.  I stepped out of the car, slipped my purse onto my shoulder and walked across the parking lot to the car.  It was very exhilarating. I opened the car door and slipped into his car, being careful to keep my knees closed and smoothing my skirt underneath.  How fem.  We drove off and soon his hand was between my legs!  Mmmm.  He then un-did his pants and lowered them.  I leaned over and began to lick his pretty cock.  Soon I was kneeling on the floor and going at it like there was no tomorrow!  Eventually, he found a secluded spot and stopped the car.  He then proceeded to face-fuck me.  He held my head as he thrust all the way in.  I gagged a bit but eventually got used to it.  Mmmm.  My mascara did run a bit though.  So, I wanted him to cum in my mouth so I used a combination of my hand and mouth to get him really going.  I could sense that he was close by the grunts and moans.  He came in my mouth and I swallowed without my  really realizing it.  Damn.  So, we drove off, and as we did, I  lowered the visor mirror, checked my makeup.  My eyes were a mess, looking like some slut that had just sucked off a guy.  Giggle.  I then opened my purse and took out my lipstick and reapplied it.  Mmmm, so girly.  He dropped me off at my car and I took a quick stroll around to get that sexy walking in heels feeling.  A lady was getting into her car and noticed me but did not seem to get that I was a sissy.  Hehe.  I must be getting good. 

So, apparently he does not like the girdle that I use to hold up my stockings.  He wants to get me a pretty thong.  I told him that I would need a garter belt then.  I so hope that he does!  I am thinking that I will require a present each time I suck cock from what I think could be a group of "regulars".  Perfume, lingerie, clothes...I may have a new profession!

Update

Hi All,

I have not posted for a while.  Sorry. 

So, I deleted a number of posts that dealt with my being a counter girl for a major cosmetics company.  I was enjoying myself so much that I did not want someone in the organization to recognize me and call me on it.  Again, sorry. 

So, I am getting better and better at applying makeup.  My briefcase is essentially a large purse now and I always have some makeup on.  I am starting to feel like it is actually a part of me.  And I feel so sissy with a makeup bag always at my fingertips. 

In other areas, I have sucked off and fucked two more men.  They seem to love me as they want to get together again as soon as possible.  I really need to try two things still. Having a man cum in my mouth and having a man shoot on my pretty sissy face.  I am sure that these will happen soon.  I also want to fluff a guy and then perform clean-up duty on the lady.  It is so sissy! 

Thanks for listening and feel free to comment or ask questions! 

Love, Diane

My Perspective Today

I have been pondering my present status.  I clearly have one foot out of the closet.  I am totally scared of showing my true self to friends and family.  But I am out to many, many people now.  I suppose that it is a matter of time before someone who knows compares notes with one of my friends or coworkers.  I am not sure what I will do at that point but I shall not worry about it now.  I will probably play it based on the reaction of the friend....

In any case, I coined the expression "anonymously out" to describe my present state.  I have now bought clothes in many stores, having tried them on with the sales clerk's assistance.  I buy makeup while wearing makeup.  I wear women's clothes when I get my hair and nails done.  I wore a women's suit, stockings and flats to a bar and had a drink.  I frequently wear jewelry while running errands.  So, there are probably well over 100 people who know that I am a sissy.  The world has not crashed down on me!  Not one of the persons listed above has said anything to suggest that they disapprove of my sissiness.  Wow. 

So, I am not sure where I shall go from here. 

I did it! More thoughts!

So, as you might be able to tell, I had sucked a cock and been fucked.  And even kissed a guy.  Wow.  I am now a complete sissy.  I placed an ad on Craig's List and picked amongst the candidates.   He arrive to find me wearing my grey sweater dress.  I wasted no time in getting on my knees and opening his pants.   He was soft but after some effort on my part, he hardened.  I am proud to say that I managed to take him all the way in.  It was so much fun but he did not cum.  I was amazed at his manly smell and enjoyed the pre-cum as it came out but I was disappointed that I did not get a sudden explosion to the back of my throat.  In any case, I asked him if he would fuck me.  He bent me over the couch and proceeded to slide it in.  I loved it!  He pumped me nice and hard, as I wiggled my sweet ass to meet his thrusts.  I could tell when he came by the way he was breathing and the fast pace of the fucking but I did not feel the cum.  Another disappointment.  I did enjoy as he slowly slipped out of my ass and I turned and gave him a big kiss!  He has asked for a return engagement, hehe...we'll see. 

I am seriously considering a second act tonight....

Post Coital Reflection

Wow!  I am still shocked. 

So, I started today by making an appointment to get my eyebrows waxed.  I planned on getting them done after work but decided to leave work early to get dressed a little.  I Came home and fussed over outfits, finally choosing my black suit.  I wore a white button down blouse that could have been a shirt with a white cami below.  I wore black knee highs and my black ankle shoes. Not overly obvious but clearly sissy to anyone who actually looked.  I put on a light foundation and light mascara and headed to the appointment.  None of the ladies at the salon looked shocked or asked about my style...damn.  The beautician did ask if I wanted a "defined arch" though.  She absolutely knew...of course, my cami was probably showing and my knee highs were right out there.  So, she did a very nice job, waxing, plucking and trimming.  Very definitely girly eyebrows. 

It only took a minute or two and I was out the door.   Now what to do.  There is a bar across the way and I went in.  I sat at the far end of the bar, near where the waitresses picked up their orders.  The bartender was a sweet young lady too.  I think they were aware of my situation but none of them said anything.   I was so hoping to engage with the bartender, at least....oh well. 

Meanwhile, I had posted a personal ad on Craigs List....could I go through with it this time.  I received a number of replies but finally went for it, giving my address to a guy that was going to be in the neighborhood...I rushed home to get dressed and put on my makeup.  I was going to actually do it!!!! 

And, I did!

A New Year!

So, I started off the new year with a nice chat with Kirstie at Nite Flirt. We chatted a long time about me losing my virginity.  So, I am once again seriously pondering the idea.  I also tried something new.  One of the things that would be cool is being bent over and fucked, panties down at my ankles and dress over my head.  When he's done, pulling up my panties and putting my dress down.  And then feel the cum oozing from my hole.  So, today, after I came, I put the cum in my ass and I am sitting here waiting for it to leak out, into my panties.  I am not sure how long it will take but I will let you know how it goes.

Next Step

So, I have not completed my goal yet.  But I am getting there.  I chatted on-line last night and received a good suggestion.  I told her that I was thinking about losing my virginity, and the whole wedding dress thing and she said I had the cart before the horse.  That I needed to learn how to relate to men, as a woman, before jumping off into sex.  She may be right, but where do I find a guy to flirt with and go to dinner with, flirt with, dance with, kiss?

I am mulling this idea over in my head....not sure what to do.  Feel free to advise me!

A girly day.

So, I had a girly day today. I started with black bikini panties from VS.  Just a plain cotton but still, a good start.  I then used my cleanser, astringent and moisturizer.  Feeling sexy today, I applied a light coat of my BB cream.  And the strobe cream, by MAC, to give me a dewy look.  A little mascara and lip base and I was off to work!

Sitting there I felt like I needed to go shopping.  So, at lunch I went to the mall to see if my favorite cosmetics-counter girl was in.  She was, but she was tied up.  So, I killed some time at VS.  I bought three soft and silky panties, white, black and pink.  All with lace trim.  Mmm.  I was disappointed when the check out lady said that "she'd like these, they're so soft".  I know, I should have corrected her right off.  Damn.  Now I have to go back.  Hehe.  So, I headed back to the department store and she was not busy.  She remembered me and we had a great chat about the new line she is representing.  And she invited me to come back to an event they are having next week..."we'll play a little"....I can't wait!

So, then my dance supply store called.  My new ballet pants arrived.  These are much more form fitting, almost like a footless tight but not quite as skin-tight.  So, I picked those up.  And finally, I stopped by the post office and my Jockey "Fit-kit" arrived!  So when I got home, I tried out the different plastic cups and measured myself.  I am a 1-40 under this system.  Now, to order a new bra!!

Leotard

So, I went to the Capezio store in Wayne, NJ.  It was near closing time so I did not have time to browse.  I really want to get back there when time is not so critical!  It is just full of good things and I so want to try some of them on!  In any case, I walked in and a nice young lady asked if she could help me.  I said that I needed to get a leotard, extra large.  She asked about sleeve style and I asked for a short sleeve one.  She showed me two racks, one with a nylon/spandex mix and the other with a cotton/spandex mix.  I asked about the difference and she talked about wear and fading.  I figured that cotton would be cooler than a 100 % synthetic so I went with the cotton.  Unfortunately that limited me to black or white. I chose black.  She then looked at me like "what next?".  I said I didn't really know what I was doing, hoping that she'd suggest trying it on.  But she didn't.  So, we went to the counter and I paid for it.  Leotards are pretty inexpensive.  I may need one in every color, hehe.  So, I drove off and started changing into it, finally getting it on.  It is a little tight but I hope that all this extra exercise and a better diet will drop a few pounds.  We'll see.  In any case, I wore the leotard all the way to my hotel and threw on a jacket (from the suit) and checked in.  The clerk kept giving me funny looks, like she knew what I was wearing under my jacket.  Hehe.  I am such a sissy!

 

 

So, there I am.  I'll get better, I promise!

More Ballet

I have now been to three classes.  I am starting to get addicted.  I am still way behind most of the ladies in the class but each time I get a little more of the routine.  We run though the same barre exercises each week and I am starting to be able to do some of the moves without watching the lady in front of me.  This allows me to have better posture, especially with my head, as I am not dropping my head to watch.  I have also started to watch videos of ballet moves to get a better sense of what I should be doing.  I think this will really help.  I am still wearing my black dance pants and a tshirt.  I have considered buying a pair of capri pants as the dance pants have a loose lower leg.  This may be a little too girly for this point in the game but we'll see.  The ultimate goal, of course, is to wear a leotard and tights....need to lose some weight first though. 

Ballet Class

Ok.  I had my first ballet class today.  Plié.  Demi-plié.  It was at least as difficult as I expected.  the instructor is a guy but the remainder of the class are women, ranging in age from 20ish to 60ish.  They seemed very accepting and supporting.  So, wow.  The movement is so girly I can not begin to describe how it makes me feel.  But I am expected to do everything and do it with a self confidence and poise that I do not have.  Yet.  That is the point though, isn't it?  At the very least I will be better balanced and more graceful.  With any luck some of that will carry over into my non-ballet life in a way that presents itself as gracefully feminine.  The trick is carrying myself with that same poise and style as I go about my life.  It will be interesting to see if anyone notices.  Hehe.

Ballet Shoes

I bought ballet shoes today.  Black.  Ok, I should have bought pink but I am not totally out, right?  In any case, I need to figure out what else to wear.  I think I should not start out with a pink leotard and white tights, though that is what I'd like.  Probably will end up with black yoga pants.  Oh well...the entire experience will be pretty girly.  I'll let you know when I figure it out.  Saturday morning is the first class.   Giggle.

Wednesday 7/17...Bought a pair of black dance pants today.  And a dance belt.  I'd rather need a dance bra...oh well. 

Dinner out

I should probably tell you about dinner on Friday night too.  So, I had my nails done on Friday afternoon.  As usual, she asked me if I wanted a clear coat.  As the family is away for the weekend, I figured that this would be a good time to have a little color for a couple of days.  No hiding that!  So, I told her that I'd be daring and try some color.  There is not likely any doubt in her mind about my sissyness.  So, we chose a light pink polish and she applied a clear coat and the pink.  She then asked whether I'd like it sheer, as is, or go with a second coat, showing me the difference with her nails.  I opted for the second coat.  She applied that and a final clear coat and the drying drops.  We then did the haircut.  As I was checking out the receptionist noticed that two nails were messed up...not hard dry yet...probably from reaching into my back pocket for my wallet (maybe a good reason to use the purse more often?  Food for thought.)  In any case, she had my nails repaired and I was on my way.  These trials and tribulations give me a better appreciation for what women put up with for beauty. 

So, I decided to go out for dinner.  I went home to walk the dogs first and to decide on an outfit for dinner.  I settled on the black suit, with pants.  Oh how I'd have liked to wear the skirt and heels but, small steps.  In any case, I wore the white short sleeved knit top and a cami.  I put on my silver necklace too, under the blouse.   The necklace could just be seen at the sides of my neckline.  I chose an Irish pub and drove there, when I realized that I needed ink for the printer.  Oh well, as long as I am in the neighborhood.  So I stopped at Staples for the ink.   Only the lady at the checkout saw me and she did not say anything or otherwise react.  On to the restaurant!  I had to park about 100 yards from the entrance and walk across the green.  I did not run into anyone so, no reactions.  I entered the restaurant and it was mostly empty...early for the dinner crowd.  The hostess seated me but with a little bit of a question in her eyes...now I am out!  There were televisions to watch so I did not have to sit there dwelling on my predicament.  The waitress was very polite and it all went smoothly, as it should, but I know the wait staff was talking about me.  I decided to take it farther and move the necklace outside the blouse.  Now there could be no doubt...no guy wears a crew neck knit with a thin silver necklace sitting on the outside.  So, there it was...right out there on the table.  And I survived. 

Ballet

Totally inspired this morning, I made an inquiry at a ballet school.  They have beginner classes for adults on a drop-in basis.  Since I would not be coming in at "the beginning", I figure that it would be even more uncomfortable, as the remainder of the class would be more advanced.  So, I asked about having some private lessons, to bring me up to speed.  I am waiting anxiously waiting to hear back.  I started looking into ballet clothing.  Do I dare buy the pink ballet shoes?  Tights and a leotard or pants and a shirt?  If pants, tight, ankle length?  So many questions.

I told the studio that I was looking to work on my balance and movement for my actual sport.  I am not sure about whether I should slowly work towards letting them know it is really being about acquiring a feminine deportment and state of mind.  We'll play that by ear.  In general, I think that any activity that is clearly this feminine will help with my overall adjustment. 

Chatting

So, I just chatted with "GlitterGoddess" from NiteFlirt.  She was very interested in me and my venture into the world of femininity.  She asked all sorts of questions about why and when I started and I told her most of the stories that I have posted.  It was by far the best chat that I have ever had about my life and the changes I am going through.  It was very therapeutic.  I suspect that we will chat on a regular basis.  It just felt so nice to have an understanding person listening to my thoughts and stories.  There was absolutely no judgment and felt so comfortable as we chatted.  I even showed her my little boobies. 

Clearly she is encouraging me to delve deeper into femininity.  She asked about doing something with my voice, even offering to start right then.  This is something that I need to work on but I am not overly optimistic about ever sounding feminine.  In the mean time, we also talked about feminine gestures.  I have been working on modifying my walk and my hand gestures but my sense is that I am doing a typical male interpretation of women rather than actually capturing the essence of femininity.  I think I come across as a camp impersonator.  I think that having feminine input could move me in the right direction and GlitterGoddess (I think I'd rather use her actual name) suggested belly dancing as a means of achieving some feminine mannerisms.  This sounds pretty reasonable.  I have been thinking of dance, in general, as a means of developing my self but was thinking ballet or ballroom dancing.  Yoga is another thing I have been pondering...most of the classes are women and emulating them could help.  I'd love to be in a class of some sort with all women and to have them treat me like one of the girls.  Another thing to work on. 

The Dress

The dress arrived at Davids.  I was very surprised to get the email announcement as I expected to not see it until the fitting in July.  I put off picking it up until I could find a place to store it...home seems like a tough place and it being found could be complicated.  In any case, they sent a second notice today so I felt inclined to go get it.  With typical trepidation I approached the entrance.  But, I persevered and opened the door.  Not too many people.  Good.  I told the receptionist that I was there to pick up a dress.  She asked what name it was under.  Oh well, they know...

So, an assistant arrives out front carrying the dress.  And she asks if I want to try it on...did not think of this.  So, I replied, "sure, why not".  Casual me.  So, we go back to the changing rooms...nobody there.  She takes the dress out and gives it to me.  "Would you like a bra?"  Had not thought of that.  So, "sure, .why not".  I tried it on, after fighting to get the 40B long line bra on, and it fit wonderfully.  I am not sure what alterations will be recommended but it fit very nicely, as is.  But, do I check it out in the mirror or not?  Well, there is a bridesmaid next door, talking to the assistant...maybe not.  I changed back out of the dress and came out.  She then mentioned how much fun the other assistants had when I bought the dress...wow, I am a celebrity sissy.  Then we walked out front to sign for the dress.  The whole shop was there, I think.  Everyone had to know what dress it was.  I apparently have good taste, as they all approved. 

I can't wait for the fitting...

Makeup

So much has happened since my last update.  First, my dress arrived.  I did not expect to pick it up until the fitting in July but it has come, and I must pick it up.  I have to find a place to put it.  I am thinking about a very small storage facility.  That will get me to the fitting.  After that, I have to decide whether to keep it or donate/sell it.  Decisions!

Second, I bought a nice cocktail ring and a necklace.  They were shipped to Zales and arrived this week.  More about that later...

Finally, I had my makeup lesson yesterday.  Again, I was terrified going in but the ladies at the salon were perfect.  I am amazed that none of them has questioned my motivation or acted like I am out of my mind.  Oh well, I loved it.  She ran through the makeup that I brought suggested a slightly darker foundation for the summer, eyeliner, powder and a lipstick pencil.  Otherwise she was happy with my collection.  She picked up on my wanting a subtle look and showed me how to do it.  It was not as subtle as I have done but it more or less showed me that I am on the right track.  Practice, practice, practice.  She did one half of my face and I did the other.  I was so nervous that my half did not come out as well as I normally can do but it worked.  I learned a few tricks and ended with a nice makeup job.  She got out some makeup remover at the end of the session but I said that I'd leave that way.  Brave.  So, I checked out and the girl at the counter saw me, fully made up.  No comments.  I was so tempted to ask her how we had done but I didn't.  But, I drove to the mall with it still on, walked in to Zales and picked up the jewelry.  The ladies there said nothing while I did the paper work and then Jessa came in and asked if I had done the credit paperwork for the pearls.  I finished the other paperwork and then she took over and reversed the charges on the pearls.  She was her normal bubbly self and did not comment on the makeup.  Wow.  I am getting used to this status of people knowing that I am a sissy.